I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
