I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
