so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
tell me about the eggs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
