I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
