I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
