she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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