He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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