I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
