how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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