It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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