i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
