"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
