I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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