Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
