That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
