how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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