There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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