Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
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i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
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I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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