I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
