Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
