The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
