my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
