I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
