burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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