I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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