I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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