i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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