Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
