clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
