is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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