And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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