my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
