he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
