I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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