Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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