I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
