i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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