We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
