There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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