evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize