What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
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She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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