I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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