Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
home. puking in laundry basket.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
