We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
