u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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