how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
