My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
