I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
