wakey wakey hands off snakey
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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