I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
