im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
