who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
