Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
