Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
