I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
