I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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