We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
