I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
