I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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