Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
