the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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