I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
