Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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